As far back as I can remember I’ve always wanted a career, and pretty much the same career; author, recording musical artist, and if the former doesn’t work out I wouldn’t mind going into journalism. There are many, many jobs I wouldn’t want to do: doctor (I’m hella squeamish), teacher (teenagers infuriate me), chef (can’t cook well), athlete (I’m lazy), stripper (would make me uncomfortable), engineer (dunno what that even is), waste management (don’t want to join the mafia) etc.
But there is another life path that I don’t object to doing: being a mother. Since feminism granted women the right to the same education and work rights as men, women have succeeded tremendously in the workplace. So now we can have kids and work, right?
Girls statistically outperform boys in school and are more likely to go to university than boys. But no one can disagree with the fact that more choice is equating to more pressure. In the ‘old days’ it was easy; women stayed at home with the children, whilst men worked. No one is saying (apart from a few traditionalists) that we should go back to those days, least of all me. But there was and still is a convenience in it. It is nothing to do with sexism and everything to do with practicality. If you want to have a family, someone has to take care of the children while they’re young, and someone has to put bread on the table. Historically, women have taken care of the children because we’re the ones who give birth to them, and men take care of the family. This is apparent in all animals.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/11986435/Why-women-who-think-they-have-it-all-are-now-at-breaking-point.html
Because women now have careers, which is wonderful, it also comes with a lot of pressure. Being expected to be successful at work, with some women even being the chief breadwinner, but also being expected to do the house work; take care of the children, and spend time with the husband as well. I saw my own mother carry these stresses. Men, on the other hand, are congratulated for taking time out of work to spend time with their children and are less likely to do house work. Cooking and cleaning, especially the latter, are still seen as ‘women’s work’. Sure, many middle class families can afford to employ a maid to take care of the house, but most women have that maternal instinct and want to spend time with their children.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/10078756/Its-no-wonder-women-are-cracking-up.html
The wonderful book I don’t know how she does it by Allison Pearson highlights this problem in a sad and funny way. It tells the fictional story of Kate Reddy, a financial advisor at a top company in London, who also has two young children. The humour of Kate’s narrative but the sadness of her situation comes into play. ‘Having it all’ is seen as do-able. Yes, women can have careers. Yes, women can get married and have children. Yes, women can look great through it all. But at what price? A rise in stress levels and mental health problems? Middle aged professional women now being 70% more stressed than men? This is unrealistic. No one should be superman or superwoman. Good God, we’re only human. And what about women who make more money than their male partners? Does that make their men feel like less of men? Create pressure for women of being the sole breadwinner in the house? http://www.refinery29.uk/2017/04/151684/millennial-women-are-conflicted-about-being-breadwinners
And what is so wrong with wanting to be a stay-at-home mum? Shouldn’t feminism encourage women to be and do whatever they want? Staying home and raising children shouldn’t make anyone feel guilty, as if they’re not ‘doing enough’ with their life. I used to think that if you weren’t striving for some major career you weren’t aiming high enough, but actually what’s so wrong with it? The primary purpose of humanity is to pro-create. Goes the same for any animal. Stay-at-home mums should be given more credit; raising kids sure as hell ain’t easy. And what about stay-at-home dads? It doesn’t have to be the mum who stays home with the kids. Sure, it is mostly women because women give birth, but nowadays gender roles have shifted giving men the opportunity to stay home too. Of course if one parent’s income isn’t enough it makes sense for both parents to work, which in itself is also a problem. One can only be a stay-at-home mum or dad if their partner makes enough to support the whole family.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/
But what are modern career women who want to have it all supposed to do? It is currently a major problem in the UK. Personally I think men should pitch in as well. I even used to think that as a kid; why doesn’t my dad help with the house work? Why does mum have to do it all? If both parents are working, then both can help with the children and both can help with the house. It all has to be
divided. Because to have true equality means everyone sharing the labour. And women deserve to have careers like men and shouldn’t have to decide between children and a career. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with taking time off depending on what you do, but for many who want to go back into work once the kids are in school, things can become difficult. Compromise is the key word. The woman working part-time whilst her children are young, the father agreeing to spend more time with the children and doing the shopping or cooking sometimes. And of course not all women even want to have children, which makes things a whole lot easier on the career front.