I have mixed feelings about the recent #metoo campaign. On the one hand I think it’s great to raise awareness about victims of harassment, rape and assault. On the other hand I think people need to be careful about their definitions and not ‘trivialise’ actual cases of rape by making false or incorrect accusations. Making allegations against someone is always very serious and false rape accusations can destroy lives. Moreover, I think that if you've been a victim of something it is stronger to move forward and grow from the experience rather than live with the mentality that you're forever a victim.
The campaign started in light of the Weinstein scandal, which admittedly I know little about. Its another case of a famous rich man being accused of assaulting various women. I don’t know if the allegations are true or not so won’t comment. We’ve seen cases like this with Jimmy Saville, Rolf Harris and Bill Cosby. They sound like similar cases of wealthy men abusing their power and using it to mistreat and manipulate women, which is obviously disgusting.
The sad and unfortunate thing about rape and assault is it is always your word against the others. We don’t know who is telling the truth. Is the victim falsely accusing the perpetrator? Is the perpetrator in denial? What actually happened? Was it rape because you were drunk or did you just regret something you consented to?
My definition of rape is non-consensual sex. If you have sex with someone who clearly doesn’t want to, and you keep going anyway and force them into it, that is rape. Very simple. I don't believe that drunk sex equates to rape because people can still consent when under the influence; they have reduced inhibitions but a part of them is still aware of what they are doing. Naturally it's one thing if a girl is wasted and puking everywhere and a guy grabs her and thrusts himself into her whilst she's lying there totally gone. It's another if two people have been flirting with each other all night and they go back together and have sex and then one person wakes up with regret but doesn't feel 'violated' and clearly wanted the sex whilst it was happening.I don’t agree with the notion of ‘statutory rape’. If a teacher consensually sleeps with a student, that isn’t rape to me. Morally it's a grey area as the teacher could have coerced the student into it or the student could have been naive and infatuated with their teacher. But unless a person forces themselves against someone who is unwilling, they are not a rapist. That is how I personally view rape. I don't believe we live in a 'rape culture' that normalises rape as most people take rape very seriously and harshly condemn rapists.
If a guy gropes your arse in a club without your consent, he’s being a drunken twat and you can slap him and tell him to fuck off and then get on with your life. It’s no use saying ‘guys shouldn’t do that; rape culture’ because sadly, people behave like twats. We can’t ‘police’ human behaviour. There’s no point whining and moaning about a situation that you can very easily get over. That’s not going to scar you for life in the same way a nine year old being groped by their uncle is. We have to look at situations individually.
‘Cat-calling’ is viewed by some as harassment, but again I would just class that as people being immature. There are far worse things in life then being hollered at on the street unwantedly. And in the UK it’s not even that bad. You go to some countries and the men there behave like dogs. They have no respect for the women whatsoever and constantly whistle and holler at them. Decent respecting men don’t holler at women on the street like that and do view it as rude and disrespectful. And again, this is all situational-relevant. Hollering at a young girl dressed in school uniform is appalling and can be unnerving for the girl. (I don’t understand why a grown man would whistle at a thirteen year old girl. Pervert.) But hollering at a woman who clearly looks over 18 and is dressed in tight clothes and has lipstick on and is giving you the eye is different.
This is also why I think girls need to be realistic. Of course blaming rape on what the victim was wearing is terrible and absurd. But what you wear can contribute. If a girl goes out dressed in a beautiful tight black dress and heels and looks lovely and sexy, complaining 'all these men keep hollering at me/checking me out!' is naive. You are going to get male attention if you dress in revealing clothing. Isn't that the point of 'revealing' clothing anyway? That does NOT give guys an excuse to rape girls in any way, but checking out or being attracted to a woman because of how she is dressed is human nature. Same as girls drooling at the mouth when they see Taylor Lautner or Channing Tatum without a shirt on.
Lastly, there was this ridiculous article I read about this singer Loyle Carner kicking a fan out of his show for being ‘sexist.’
All that happened is a man yelled at the supporting act ‘you have big tits!’ That is all. He didn’t go on a long rant about how women are unequal to men and belong in the kitchen and are only good for one thing only. All he did was make a stupid (and probably drunken) comment. For gods’ sake, musicians have been heckled at for centuries! It’s part of being an entertainer! Good God, if you think being told you have ‘big tits’ is bad, try being told you should kill yourself or can’t sing! The supporting act could easily have defended herself by telling the man he was a wanker or ignoring him or making some joke like ‘yeah I have big tits; bigger than your cock mate.’ But no, it took a MAN to come up and tell this man to leave the goddamn show. So much for female empowerment eh? Women (especially feminists) are so fragile nowadays against the slightest of ‘inappropriate comments’, that they can’t even do a show without a man coming along to kick out a heckler.
I agree with this Judge! She isn't saying that 'rape is your fault because you were drunk.' She is saying, very clearly, that putting yourself in a position of vulnerability - like being very drunk, alone and dressed in little, can INCREASE your chances of being a victim of rape or assault! All she is doing is urging women to look after themselves more; don't go back alone, have a coat or jacket to cover up on the way back JUST TO BE SAFE, make sure that if you're falling around on the pavement you have someone to take care of you, etc! It's just like locking your door at night or not travelling to strange places alone. Safety first. And this rape victim agrees with her :)